My Confirmation sacrament

I’m gonna get the Confirmation sacrament this evening (precisely at 6 o’clock). I have my own
CT, Mr Joseph Wong (aka. J-Wong) to represent my confirmation godfather. Originally, it should be my own uncle, Uncle Rymb, but since he’s in Indo, oh well, nvm la, juz hav tis teacher of mine (whom I also deem as a “spiritual father”) to represent him. I’m gonna wear white shirt and those same formal clothes adult usually wear for baptism, and getting confirmed by Archbishop Nicholas Chia, wah… I’ve never even seen anyone w/ a higher hierarchy than a priest w/ my own eyes before. Well, I’ve seen the Bishop of Bali, but that one was from far away and it was also in the conjunction of Baptism for converts.

The whole thing of tis Confirmation surely gonna make me feel holy, esp. w/ the blessing by Archbishop himself. Yes, I will feel holy, but I’m not sure whether I’ll be holier than before. The recent few weeks have been both fulfilling in spiritual experience and full of temptations to do sins. A lot of sin. Man, I do think that I have a close relationship w/ God (w/ all the answers He has given me for my prayers and novenas) but somehow, I feel like betraying Him for falling into temptation. A saint once said, “A million temptations does not make one small sin”. Temptations are an opportunity for virtue, such as shown in 1Corinthians 10:13: “the temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.”, but the way I fall into the traps of evil makes me damned shameful of myself. I need not a million temptations. I only need at least two.

I did confession around last week to purify myself of sins so that they may be forgiven, but just as usual, I commit the hardest of The 7 Deadly Sins so easily again: LUST. By now it’s easy to see how I've disobeyed Jesus’ command on Mathew 5:29: “"You have heard the commandment that says, `You must not commit adultery. But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”. I easily commit the sin of Lust (I won’t elaborate on it, but anyone should’ve known what a teenager usually got to do with this sin) not long after I made the confession.

It’s ephemerally enjoyable yet regretful when it’s done. God, help me……

Waahh. Even the day before confirmation, I’ve committed that sin again. If I think after all, it’s of no wonder why my spiritual experience have been fluctuating recently. There’ve been ups and downs. Most of my prayers are answered, but two of them have not. Oh well, I’ll write more abt these unanswered prayers later on la..

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