When a guy brings condom in his bag: Premarital sex, trust, and loyalty

Whenever I see a fellow guy bringing a condom in his bag, I always pose myself a question:

Does he bring the condom as a sign that he's prepared for sex?

Of course I never mouthed those words to any of them (that would be embarrassing to some, insulting to others), but I surely know that most guys I know are virgins who are not at all ready for such premarital sex thingy...

Whatever your opinion may be, if that condom-carrier happens to be a guy who have not even graduated from college nor found a steady job to do premarital sex, the answer would come to this conclusion:

He does not trust himself that he could resist the temptation of sex.

Yep, that's the most logical answer to that.

He does not trust himself that he would not fall into seduction, hence he brings a condom...

Hahaha... That would amount to a sad sexual fantasy.

Pathetic, don't you think?

Most of the time (I daresay 99%), if a guy and a girl decides to have sex before they are married, it would be the guy who firstly asks for sex.

It is almost always the guy who asks for sex, and very rarely the other way round.

Now for girls out there, please don't be fooled.

Back in Bali, a friend of mine (from another well-reputed school) told me how his senior has had sex with his girlfriend in the second year of secondary school (kelas 2 SMP!)

I asked...how? How could the girl be easily duped into doing such a thing at such an early age?

Then my pal quoted what his senior had requested to his girlfriend:

"Kamu beneran sayang sama aku ngga? Kalo kamu emang sayang, buktikan"

(Do you really love me? If you do, prove it)

This quotation above apparently has become quite commonplace during the last three years that I think it has been bloody overused.

And whenever such a "request" is granted, I don't know who should bear the blame more...

Is it the guy, who reduces the meaning of love into sex? Or is it the girl, who so easily falls prey into such a tricky question.

Such a sad thing, really. It indeed is a sad thing to reduce, or even equate the meaning of LOVE with SEX.

Because they are not even inherently correlated.

Love does not necessarily end with sex, and more often than not, Sex shatters the meaning of love into nothing.

Girls out there, take note:

When a guy wishes for sex too soon, it shows that he is more inclined to continue the relationship in order to satisfy himself with your body, and not for the sake of pursuing your heart!

Please do NOT be such an idiot by falling prey into those "if-you-love-me-then-please-go-to-bed-with-me" kind of request... Having sex does not in anyway prove the loyalty of your love, and you should keep that in mind.

You know, people of tribes in the past used to have those customs of having forced marriages where both the brides have never even met each other.

A man from tribe G marries with a woman from tribe H in order to merge their cultural values or even create a larger tribe. When the guy from tribe G and girl from tribe H get married, do they even love each other?

No, not at all.

But they're still bound to produce heirs notwithstanding.

And there is also this quote I have read by an editor of The Jakarta Post for both sexes out there regarding whom you should love and marry... I am paraphrasing it here:

Don't marry a person because she's gorgeous, or he's handsome, or she's sexy and all that. Because all such passions are temporary and fades away with age, and the sex would not be so hot after both of you reach 60 anyway. Rather, marry the opposite sex with whom you love to have conversations most, because that is the kind of relationship that could last longer than other kinds of relationships.

It sure is hard to disagree to this one.

Rob  – (26 December 2008 at 09:57)  

Interesting grab bag of opinions you pose here on the issue of pre-marital sex.

My take would be it is not as simple as you make it out to be. Sex is more than temptation.

It is interesting though how we judge others and yet do not like to be judges ourselves. It is interesting how we make assumptions about others based on limited or no factual support, yet feel comfortable asserting that it is 99% this or 99% that.

This is the beauty of blogging though as you can hold and push any opinion that you may hold.

This piece really needed to include the abstinence argument. The idea that the best way to honor yourself, your parents, your God is to wait until you are married before having sex. This sort of follows on from marrying the conversationalist rather than the beautiful people because afterall once you reach 60 everyone is as ugly as each other so it is better to be married to someone you can talk to!

Hopefully, you will still be blogging (or whatever replaces it) in 15 - 20 years and we can revisit this topic again and see if your opinions have changed.

toshi  – (2 January 2009 at 18:23)  

perhaps you've gotten my point quite wrongly.. i'm against the issue of premarital sex NOT because of any religious/morality issue.

Nope, not at all.

Rather, it's about responsibility.

Most of those who choose to pass their abstinence are those who are still in high school or college, barely enough age to even be ready for familial responsibilities...let alone having the one-night stands or whatever kind of terms you may call it :)

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