Iridescent scars

After all this time I’ve been trying to conceal my new IM3 phone number, she finally found it out. My bad, I should’ve used my old XL instead when trying to make that contact yesterday.

An hour or so after I called in, my phone received a miscall from a private number.

I’ve announced my new number only to a limited number of close friends and relatives; hence I know which amongst them could have made that private call. How silly, attempting to use a private number to fool me, as if I don’t know her well!

Geez. What does she want with me actually?!!

Despite all my past efforts to pretend that I’m going out with someone else (as to test her jealousy), I know deep down in my heart that she has known the truth: that I actually liked her.

You know, it’s always amazing to see how much girls could know if a guy falls for her. Sometimes they feign ignorance, and play the “Jual Mahal” card on the guy.

But that’s not really a game that I enjoy playing.

Rather than accepting that kind of “Jual Mahal” pride from her, I’d rather cut contact from her myself. I just couldn’t stand being played around, with treatment of so much “Oh, he likes me, therefore I want him to chase me” attitude like that.

I know I should’ve blamed myself more for focusing too much on my own envy, but it’s really her who shoulders more of the fault.

Mind you, I’ve counted:

For every four SMSes I sent to her during the last three months, I only received one reply.
There are even certain days when I waited for her SMS reply till the night to no avail.

Some may reason that she might’ve run out of her phone balance, but of course I knew it better. She has always plenty of balance on her handphone that I always see her online on her eBuddy every time I log in to my Yahoo and MSN.

I recently confided to my friend about all this, and he told me that she might not have seen me as that important a guy to her. His reasoning may sound ludicrous, but I find it quite plausible.

What does she see me as?

A brother? If she sees me as such, she should’ve replied my SMSes more often. Moreover, it is her who often needed my help.

A mere friend? This sounds quite possible.

Or… a laughing stock? Sounds quite mean, but yes it’s probable, considering how rarely she replies my SMSes.

Mind you, oftentimes it’s her who sent me the first SMS to consult on school subjects or blog or any other trivial stuff, but whenever I replied and asked for confirmation, she rarely replied me back or thanked me. What an ingrate!

Eric and Undine was correct after all, I deserve a better girl than her. It’s been a bloody waste of energy and time to be obsessed with her after all.

And during this exam period, I know that she would be all messed up without my help on her school subjects, but why should I care?

She has gotten a new prince at her school, so she should’ve asked him instead. LOL.

Phew, I feel a sigh of relief to finally vent it all out here. On other personal topics, I would’ve normally written on my Indonesian blog, but for now I feel it much safer to rant here because I know she’s too lazy to read English.

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