If you could choose, how would you like to die?

Speaking of morbidity, I think suicide is the most frigging pathetic way for a person to die.

I have a ludicrous real story, and it happened in Singapore when I was Sec 4.

The suicide hit the headlines and instead of sympathizing with the boy’s suicide, everyone in the country was laughing at his cause of death.

Just take a look at the clipped news article below.

clipped from www.postchronicle.com Singapore Teen Kills Himself Over Small Penis Apr 30, 2006 An 18-year-old Singapore student reportedly plunged to his death because he was convinced his penis was too small, a Singapore coroner's report said on Wednesday. In announcing the verdict of suicide, state Coroner Tan Boon Heng said that the incident highlighted the importance of sex education in and outside of the country's school system. The junior college student's death showed that even intelligent young people can be "victims of misinformation," Tan said. "The deceased was so tormented by his unfounded (belief in his) inadequacy that it drove him to end his life," the ruling concluded. The student, a member of the school volleyball team and described as "cheerful and energetic," jumped from a housing block on March 3. The teen had reportedly confided in his mother back in October that he was worried that his genitals were too small. In a suicide note, he apologized to his girlfriend and family for killing himself.

The ironic thing was that the doctors said that his genital’s size is actually within the “normal size” limitation.

That 18-year-old Junior College student left a suicide note (addressed to his family and girlfriend), and though it was not published in the paper, I could guess that it looked like this (of course I made up this suicide letter myself):

Dear Mom and Dad and my beloved girlfriend,

I know how painful it must’ve been to see me leaving you people so soon. But I don’t think there is any reason for me to live in this world anymore.

You see, the problem is that MY PENIS IS TOO SMALL. I measured it last month and compared it to all those large dicks I see in my porn collection, and I think it just won’t be able to provide any sexual satisfaction to whomever I’m gonna marry later. I’m just pathetic… How could I live with such a small genitalia? I’d rather become a girl instead.

I’ve pondered over a sex change in Thailand, but that would mean that I’m running away from this whole thing. Well, suicide is indeed another way of running away too, but at least I could breathe a sigh of relief when my soul is finally separated from this body and the small genitalia I’ve got.

Mom and Dad, I don’t blame you for giving birth to a boy with such a small vital part like mine. Nope, not at all, and I don’t want you to feel guilty about that. I just want you to know that I’d still love you, even after I get reincarnated [presuming the boy believes in reincarnation – red].

And another thing, I’ve donated most of my stuff, including my porn collection, to all my buddies at school, so you don’t have to worry about whether my brother Sam should inherit them.

For Amanda, I suggest you to find another boyfriend with a bigger genitalia than mine. I’ve been thinking about our marriage in the future (which never comes true), and it had come to my attention that I won’t be able to satisfy you with such a small penis.

So…. Amanda, next time you date a guy, make sure you check his insides before you consider going out with him, OK?

Goodbye everybody.

Love,

Benjamin Chong

You know, the reddened Ben Chong above is a pun in an Indonesian word (Bencong) which means something else. Don’t worry, none of the names in the suicide letter above are real, because I made them all up myself. But the suicide happened for real, though.

Let’s talk death in a more natural way.

Last month my friend told me about our old primary school friend who died in a tragic car crash three years ago. That means that I was in Singapore at the time he died.

His car was hit by a Coca-Cola truck and the car was completely wrecked. I didn’t know anything about his driver, but apparently this old friend of mine was still alive when he was brought to the hospital. He passed away as soon as he reached the hospital because he ran out of blood.

Gosh, that’s a tragic way of dying, especially at an age of 15...

Another story comes from the nephew of my Mom’s friend.

He was a reparation worker for the Metro Mini bus company in Jakarta, and on one peculiar day, he was fixing up stuff under a Metro Mini bus.

It was 5 AM that time and he had apparently fallen asleep because he was listening to his MP3 player at a full blast.

How unfortunate of him, a Metro Mini driver didn’t notice his presence and he started the engine straightaway.

Well… You could guess how bad it turned out.

Miraculously, this reparation worker survived for around a week, albeit his body was completely in a disfigured state, he could still communicate his last words to his beloved before he finally departed.

But those two death stories above aren’t very nice ways of dying, are they?

Hmm.

Dying in pain, whether by suicide or by illness, doesn’t sound very much favourable indeed. Nobody would like to die in such a way.

If I could choose how I would like to die, I’d want a quick death, preferably in my sleep when I’m around my 90s or 100s.

I should assume that most of you would concur with my conditional clause above, though we all know that we couldn’t choose the 5W and 1H of our death.