Tips for the workplace and life in general

The following text is originally lifted from the trivia section of The Jakarta Post dated Saturday, 29 December 2008.

~Compiled from various sources~

  • Failure is not an option. It’s bundled with your software.
  • Confession is good for the soul but bad for your career.
  • To err is human. To forgive is against company policy.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
  • Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
  • If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidences that you tried.
  • Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
  • For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  • No one is listening until you make a mistake.
  • Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
  • The sooner you fall behind the more time you’ll have to catch up.
  • A thing not worth doing isn’t worth doing well.
  • Hard work pays off in the future, but laziness pays off now.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; but to steal from many is research.
  • To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
  • Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
  • Beat the 5 p.m. rush, leave work at noon.
  • If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  • Half the people in the world are below average.
  • Don’t be irreplaceable; if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
  • Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  • Time is a great healer, but a terrible beautician.
  • Capital punishment isn’t for making examples; it’s for making bad people dead.
  • The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
  • Support bacteria—they’re the only culture some people have.
  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • Two wrongs are only the beginning.
  • The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  • Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
  • If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
  • When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts,” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
  • When cheese get its picture taken, what does it say?
  • “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?
  • Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  • We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
  • If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?
  • Is there another word for synonym?
  • What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
  • Is it true that cannibals won’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
  • Heck is where people go when they don’t believe in Gosh.
  • Forgive and forget, but keep a list of names just in case.
  • If evolution is fact, why do mothers only have two hands?
  • Time is just nature’s way to keep everything from happening at once.
  • The meek shall inherit the earth—after we’re through with it.
  • Ham and Eggs—a day’s work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig.
  • Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  • How much can one get away with and still go to heaven?
  • It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

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