The strange way of words

The following text is originally lifted from the trivia section of The Jakarta Post dated Thursday, 15 November 2007.

~Compiled from various sources~

• Why is it that if someone yells “duck” they are helping you, but if they yell “chicken” they are insulting you?
• Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?
• Why is it when you’re almost dead you’re on death’s doorstep, but when you are actually dead you are not in death’s house?
• Why do people say “You scared the living daylights out of me” when daylight is not living?
• Why do we have to pay a toll on “freeways”?
• Why is its good to score under par in golf but its bad to be “under par” in anything else?
• How did a fool and his money get together?
• Are part time band-leaders called semi-conductors?
• Why is it that humans can move their eyes in opposite directions toward the nose, but not away from the nose?
• Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?
• Why is bra singular and panties plural?
• If the plural of tooth is “teeth”, why isn’t the plural of booth “beeth”?
• Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
• Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
• Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
• If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
• How can the weather be “hot as hell” one day and “cold as hell” another?
• Why are the adjectives “fast as” and “slow as” often used in conjunction with hell, is hell slow or fast?
• If you’re in hell, and are mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
• If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?
• Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
• Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
• If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
• Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
• Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
• Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
• Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
• If you can’t drink and drive, why do you need driver’s licence to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
• If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
• Why is that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
• Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllabic”?
• Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?
• Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
• Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
• Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a “near miss”? Shouldn’t it be called a “near hit”?
• Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has white paint, and he has to touch it.
• Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
• If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
• Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
• Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
• Why don’t sheep shrink in the rain?
• Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?