on the definition of True Love (part 2)

Yesterday's post was a recount of a personal phone call I had a little while ago.

Now let me write directly my take on this.

(I'm not going to touch the issue of platonic love today, because it could get very personal here... Lolz.)

Before we begin, let me ask... how do you define true love?

Generally, the phrase "true love" could be described in two adjectives: giving but unconditional.

If you truly are head over heels for someone, you give your love unconditionally. You show your love through your actions, words, or whatever form of expressions you may delve into, yet you don't ask for anything in return.


Because a true love doesn't ask for much.

It's just that simple.

True love doesn't make you obsessive over that "special someone". If you truly love him/her, it also means that you are willing to love him/her even if you know that your feeling isn't going to be returned the way you expect it to.

And that's pretty much explains everything... If you truly are in love, you don't get obsessed.

In the past, I got trapped into such foolery of being obsessed, you know, with all those melodramatic poems and all.

I really thought that I had experienced what people call Love.

But nah, it was NOT. Being sad and "unwilling to let him/her go" is NOT love. It was obsession.

Let us get things straight here: Obsession is one thing, and love is another thing. We're not supposed to mix up the two.

Now some of you may ask, what about "trust"? Is trust an important essence of love too?

Well, let me tell you: it is NOT.

Trust is an only a small essence you need to build a healthy relationship. However, you don't need trust to show your love.

Because when you start making promises and commitments and your date/partner/spouse chooses to trust you, your love is no longer unconditional.

Rather, it turns into an "obligation" that you must fulfil.

And when love becomes an "obligation", you lose the entire definition of love.

Which is exactly why I don't want to look for anyone to date in Indonesia right now. It's not that I'm uninterested in anybody (regarding such a possibility, let it remain an unanswered mystery for readers of Foreign Prophecies).

Rather, I don't want separation to hurt anybody because as you know it, I could go abroad sometime sooner or later.

Some people say that LDR (long-distance relationship) is a test whether your love could withstand distance and time-zone differences.

But hell, No.

LDR needs a large amount of trust, perhaps up to 90% trust and 10% care. Otherwise, you'll end up getting jealous on who your "special someone" may be hanging out with on the other side of the globe.

And as I've said before, if you focus too much on a "trusting", you will lose the essence of "being unconditional".

Because a true love only gives, but doesn't ask for much in return... If you truly love someone, the only thing you care for is that you don't want him/her to get hurt because his/her happiness is the only thing that you care for...

And don't get me wrong, it's still OK to be jealous.

A little amount of jealousy is an inevitable part of Love, but please do take care not to let it consume you.

Otherwise, it would become an Obsession and not Love. Happy

Finally Woken  – (15 November 2008 at 17:35)  

You forget that life is about taking chance and risk. If you're too afraid, you don't live *wink.

toshi  – (15 November 2008 at 23:01)  

ah, you mistook me anita! :p

this blog post is NOT about "the courage to declare my love". Yes, I used to be too timid to declare my love in the past, but I've passed that stage already.

rather, this blog post is about my take on how to view the topic of "love" in a much more matured way. perhaps you should reread the post again :D

Anonymous –   – (17 November 2008 at 03:48)  

No Toshi, you try to justify the true love meaning and the long-distance relationship. What I mean is none of them will mean anything if you don't take a risk, because true love means you are willing to sacrifice for something bigger and better.

Anonymous –   – (17 November 2008 at 03:56)  

Aahh...I'm a bit confused with the "trust" part. You've said if you asserted trust as the most important thing then you would've fitted yourself and your couple to fulfill the obligation to give trust and to be trusted?

Maybe to certain people who don't ready yet to be responsible to his/her love life, trusting each other sounds to be a burdensome. But not to those who are ready, especially to married people. Well, we have to agree first that you wrote true love definition for unwed couples. Because the definition of true love is quite difficult to be defined. It will be different when we put it in a unwed couple relationship and to married couple relationship. In general, true love seems has one steady definition. In detail, true love has some sophisticated and wide various definitions.

The rest I agree :)

By the way about being jealous. Jealous is like eating chilly, small portion tastes delicious, too much will cause stomach ache. Hehehe

Paul  – (17 November 2008 at 14:46)  

Your post helps get at what a complicated topic love is. What I think makes it so complicated is that people often feel a lot of other things that aren't love at the same time that they feel love.

If you can get to what love itself is and see and feel how important and life giving it is, it makes it easier to focus on living that out more in your day to day life.

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