How important is it to make an eye contact?

A friend pointed this out to me a couple of days back...

"Toshi, I just noticed lately.."


"Look me in the eye, will you?" she sounded a bit annoyed.

I looked at her in the eye for a second, but avoided contact the next moment.

I got confused, "Why, what's wrong?"

"You never look at me in the eye when you talk..." she lamented.

I merely grinned.

Anyone who often hangs out with me will notice that I seldom make eye contact with people.

It's not a matter of choice really, but it's more of a habit that I picked up from my old roommate in Singapore. He is always the type of person who avoids eye contact as he did not feel in the least comfy about it.

Geez, two whole years of being his rommate had made me this way... Haha.

Though I had once adjusted myself to the need of making eye contact during my final Oral English examination (as a part of the courtesies); that was the one and only time that I literally forced myself in making eye contact when talking to people.

Don't get me wrong, though. I'm not saying that frequent avoidance of eye contact is that bad...

As a matter of fact, it makes the whole thing easier for my friends, family members and anyone else to know whom I feel most comfortable with.

You may be good-looking but it doesn't mean that I will make frequent eye contacts with you if I don't like you in the first place, and vice versa.

I just realised this fact myself, but here is the clue:

I only make frequent eye contacts with people whom I feel emotionally close to.

Now this explanation above pretty much tells the whole story.

The people with whom I often make frequent eye contacts are as follows:

  • my parents
  • my sis Melody
  • my aunts and uncles
  • some of my close cousins
  • and a very select few of my close friends

Other than those people mentioned above, I always prefer to look at somewhere else when talking to people (even when I talk to them face-to-face).

However, I'm not suggesting anyone to follow my lead though. As a matter of fact, it's a bad habit to follow.

Because it shows that deep down inside, one has his/her own insecurities when having a conversation with certain people.

And I fully realise that this is a feature of mine which I'm uncertain I could ward off anytime soon.

Rob Baiton  – (5 October 2008 at 02:46)  


Depends on the situation and the need for eye contact. Yet, that said, the point of eye contact is that people think they can tell the truthfulness of what you are saying based on whether you can look them squarely in the eye.

This probably accounts for sayings such as the "eyes are the mirrors to/of one's soul".

When I teach oral advocacy classes, I teach the importance of making eye contact. However, there is a line that needs to be drawn between appropriate levels of eye contact and staring / glaring at the person you are speaking / listening to.

toshi  – (7 October 2008 at 22:53)  


yeah, sure there is a fine line between making eye contact and "glaring"... haha

i still avert ppl's eye contact whether i'm telling the truth or being dishonest... does that in anyway reflect truthiness? nah, i think it's more a reflection of my own psychology

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