Who are your true friends?

Every now and then I hear all different sorts of perception of what a "true friend" really means.

Some define "true friend" as confidant, some define it as best friend, and some define it as those with whom we have befriended for years....

I tell you, those definitions above are distorted.

Having known a certain person for years and be close with him/her does not necessarily make him/her a "true friend".

Because for me, there is only one certain definition.

If you want to know who your true friends are, take a look at who stays with you as a loyal company when you feel down or suffering.

"Mere friends" only accompany you when you are happy and having fun, but "true friends" are those who are willing to listen to you for hours and give you moral supports or constant company in times when you really need them.

Over the past few months, when I am really in a need of people to keep me company during my loneliness and all, only a very few of them could spare some time out of their busy activities to listen to all my troubles and worries. And that few number of friends also take some of their own length of troubles to look for the best advices they could give me.

I must tell you, I really appreciate having friends like them.

They are my true friends.

Taking a look at it, they don't even number more than ten people!

Very pathetic, eh?

I have known dozens of so-called "friends", but when the time comes for me to cry and look for shoulders to lean on, they disappear to nowhere.

I'm not going to mention any particular names here (as not to offend those who do not fit into the "true friends" category), but feel free to give yourself a self-congratulatory back-pat if you think you fit my definition of a "true friend". I myself know that I could not possibly be deemed "true friends" by everyone I know. I also have my own preferences on whom I like and whom I want to have fun with.

There are also some of those who always seek my help in times of troubles and sufferings, but when I really need them in return, they leave me.

They deem me as their "true friend", but do I see them as "true friends" in return?

It depends.

A "true friendship" has to be reciprocal. It cannot be just limited within an 'I-help-you-but-you-don't-help-me' attitude or vice versa.

I myself don't know what my "true friends" think of me, do they see me as "true friends" too?

But even if they don't, it's OK.

Because as one of my true friends recently told me, "what people think of us is not important, as we can't possibly please everyone".

Although my "true friends" do not number more than ten people, quantity is not that important.

What is important is how long you could keep on with those friendships in times of happiness and hardships; for as long as you could remember.

So ask yourself, who are your true friends?

If you still can't answer for now, try to think of it this way (especially if you are a youngster):

Imagine yourself 12 years from now in a lowly-paid shopkeeping job, while your friend works as a senior manager in a well-known company or other highly-paid professions. Will he/she be willing to hang out with you as you used to be during your school/college days?

Your answer defines who your true friends are.

Rob Baiton  – (1 October 2008 at 13:50)  

True friendship depends on many things and it is not always reciprocal 100% of the time.

I have some really good friends who I see very rarely. Yet, we remain friends and when we meet we can pick up where we left off without it ever feeling like there has been 3, 4, or 5 years between physical meetings. Is that true friendship?

You lose old friends and you make new friends. There are people who I went to school with who were really good friends at the time. However, the passage of time and the choices we have made has meant that some of these people I have not seen in 20 years. Are these people still friends? I guess I can find out if I bother to attend my high school reunion.

Nevertheless, this is the nature of out existence.

toshi  – (2 October 2008 at 12:09)  


I still think it's a reciprocal thingy, because in defining a true friendship, I look on two aspects:

1. Those who could loyally stay with you when you are feeling down and insecure; and

2. Those who could stay in touch with you and deem you as their friend even after years of absence from physical meetings.

Sometimes it is not a matter of choice that a friendship could break. It could also be a nature of out existence like you said.

We could lose contact with a friend simply by moving address or changing our phone number and forgetting to update him/her on the new one.

Nevertheless, if we meet up again with them even after years of no-physical-meetings (like you and your high school friends) and are still willing to hang out with us and be in constant company during our miseries; then that's what I call true friendship.

mommy  – (27 April 2012 at 20:08)  

True friends are those who are there no matter what. In good times and bad times. Loyalty and being faithful. Just unconditional love!

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