Rina Anita Syarifah: In Memoriam (1970-2018)

When I was a kid, Tante (aunt) Rina often stopped by my home to bring me chocolates and other delicious treats, which I had always loved. 

Being my mother's younger sister, she had had no children of her own until a few years ago. Therefore, she had always spoiled her nephews and nieces with toys and treats despite the fact that she was never wealthy.

taken in the early 1990s in Taman Safari, West Java province, Indonesia

When she was much younger, not only had she won singing competitions, she also played the piano and danced traditional dances...including Balinese dances which were known to be hard to learn! Her musical talent was such that my mother told me that she was able to sing and hum musical notes while listening to another completely different song in the background!

Friends and family alike had remarked that she could have been a nationally famous celebrity, until she decided to choose another vocation.

Her passion in life was always in teaching children and teenagers, and that was the path she ended up taking.

Tante Rina told me that although she initially wanted to major in Japanese, she ended up enrolling as an English major (Japanese was not available at her college yet, if I am not mistaken). 

So, it is possible that my passion for Japanese language and culture must have been partially inherited from her.

As a college professor, she was a blessing to many of her college students. I must have been 8 or 9 years old when Tante Rina brought me to the class she was teaching. Her students remarked to me, privately, how lucky I was to have such an intelligent and kind aunt like her. And when she moved to teach at a different university, she was greatly missed by the former students she left behind.

When I stayed at her home during elementary school holidays, I was always greeted by Tante Rina's many cats. A well-known cat-lover, she was taking in strays as she could not bear to see them being malnourished on the streets. At one time, she even owned up to 20-25 cats!

However, in Indonesia, house cats are always free to roam outdoors. Thus, there had never been an issue of hygiene because all her cats were always cared for properly.

from left to right: Tante Rina, my late grandma, and my mother

My fondest memories of her was when she took me and other cousins swimming at the waterpark, and afterwards she would buy me books at the Gramedia bookstore (my sister Mary was still an infant at the time). Sometimes Tante would also spoil us by taking us to eat at Japanese restaurants or American fast-food chains at malls.

People had told me that she had never lost a single Monopoly game before. Because of this, I don't think my cousins and I ever played Monopoly with her, choosing instead to stick to "safer" games such as Ludo, Snakes & Ladders, domino, and rummy card games. 

As I was a crybaby back then, I usually started crying when I had a losing streak in my rummy card games. After which, oddly enough, I began winning! I did not understand it back then, but as I got older, I surmised that I started winning because she had chosen to let me win.

Tante Rina told me that she always believed I could be successful in life, and that I had the potential to get good grades at school. It was this belief that helped propel me to gain a scholarship to study in Singapore back in 2005.

Tante Rina passed away at her residence in Jakarta, Indonesia after battling breast cancer for months. She was survived by her husband and son.

my last picture ever taken with Tante Rina in South Tangerang, Indonesia on 7 July 2009

If I had a chance to spend one more hour to meet you Tante, I'd have liked us to play one more rummy card game while we go out to eat at a Japanese restaurant at Bintaro Plaza. And this time, I'd be the one paying for our food.

Rest in Peace, Tante.

(22 February 1970 - 24 July 2018)

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In memory of Father Mattheus

"Toshi.." Mom called me from downstairs.

I rushed to the stairs and asked, "Yes?"

"Remember Father Mattheus?" she asked.

"Yep of course. Why?"

"He passed away last week because of heart attack"

I stood there, unable to comprehend Mom's words.

"He umm.... what?"

"He passed away last week", Mom repeated, "I just received an SMS from Bali...""

"Is this serious? I mean... why?"

"Heart attack"

"Have you confirmed the facts right? Is the news from Pak Frans?"

"I dunno, it's a Balinese number but it's not in my phonebook"

"I suggest Mom call him right now" I urged her.

I really hoped that the news turned out to be a rumour, but it was not. It finally dawned upon me that Father Mattheus Keraf is now no longer here. He passed away around early September due to an ailment he had been fighting over the last couple of years.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I firstly met Father Mattheus during one of the Saturday Catholic masses that he held in Bali Hyatt Sanur. The mass was held in English (instead of Bahasa Indonesia), and though my parents were quite reluctant to have masses on Saturday, they went along.

I remember one particular Saturday evening when Dad had a business to do in Kuta and Mom also went along with Mary. They asked me to go along too, but nah, I prefer having the mass in Bali Hyatt instead of going to the Denpasar Cathedral on Sunday. I prefer having a mass with those folks instead.

No car and no driver at my expense (since it was Saturday evening), I walked by myself all the way from my residence in Semawang to Bali Hyatt, which altogether took around 20 minutes.

My Dad, who at that time managed one of the most reputed five-stars in Bali, soon invited him to administer Christmas and Easter masses in the hotel ballroom. The masses were generally opened to all Christians of all sects (Catholic and Protestants alike) and it was just pleasant to have all those togetherness with all the Balinese Christians, Chinese, and foreign expats who came to Bali for holiday.

My whole family soon became quite close to Father Mattheus as he was a down-to-earth kind of person. Dad invited him to my house several times during those Christmas and Easter days, and we even held a mass at my own residence twice. In one of the mass homilies administered at my former Sanur residence, he once described me as a humble person, and it is a description that I am looking forward to hold onto.

My parents took Sis and me to his seminary in Tuka (not to be confused with Kuta, it is located not very far from Canggu). In that seminary, Father Mattheus took us to have a look at his office and what Balinese Catholic laymen used to do there.

His place in Tuka was strikingly awesome.

If you have seen a blend of culture between Chinese and Muslim in the Surabaya's Cheng Ho Mosque, then the one in Tuka is simply the Catholic version.

The Catholic centre in Tuka has a blend of Balinese and Catholic flavours.

Well as a matter of fact, it looks more like Balinese through and through. When we first came there, Mom and Dad and Sis and I asked each other, "Are you sure this is a Catholic centre?"

It looked more like a Hindu Pura (temple) to us. Its architecture and its paintings were all fabulously decorated with Balinese taste.

Put into words, Father Mattheus was one of the best Catholic priest I have ever known in person, and whom I have deemed like my own uncle. During those days in Singapore, I sought more of his spiritual guidance instead of looking it from my own priest in the church in Clementi. Should there be a chance to meet him again, I would like to relive the memories of having him coming over to my Sanur residence together with Pak Frans' family for an hour of warm confab.

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If you could choose, how would you like to die?

Speaking of morbidity, I think suicide is the most frigging pathetic way for a person to die.

I have a ludicrous real story, and it happened in Singapore when I was Sec 4.

The suicide hit the headlines and instead of sympathizing with the boy’s suicide, everyone in the country was laughing at his cause of death.

Just take a look at the clipped news article below.

clipped from www.postchronicle.com Singapore Teen Kills Himself Over Small Penis Apr 30, 2006 An 18-year-old Singapore student reportedly plunged to his death because he was convinced his penis was too small, a Singapore coroner's report said on Wednesday. In announcing the verdict of suicide, state Coroner Tan Boon Heng said that the incident highlighted the importance of sex education in and outside of the country's school system. The junior college student's death showed that even intelligent young people can be "victims of misinformation," Tan said. "The deceased was so tormented by his unfounded (belief in his) inadequacy that it drove him to end his life," the ruling concluded. The student, a member of the school volleyball team and described as "cheerful and energetic," jumped from a housing block on March 3. The teen had reportedly confided in his mother back in October that he was worried that his genitals were too small. In a suicide note, he apologized to his girlfriend and family for killing himself.

The ironic thing was that the doctors said that his genital’s size is actually within the “normal size” limitation.

That 18-year-old Junior College student left a suicide note (addressed to his family and girlfriend), and though it was not published in the paper, I could guess that it looked like this (of course I made up this suicide letter myself):

Dear Mom and Dad and my beloved girlfriend,

I know how painful it must’ve been to see me leaving you people so soon. But I don’t think there is any reason for me to live in this world anymore.

You see, the problem is that MY PENIS IS TOO SMALL. I measured it last month and compared it to all those large dicks I see in my porn collection, and I think it just won’t be able to provide any sexual satisfaction to whomever I’m gonna marry later. I’m just pathetic… How could I live with such a small genitalia? I’d rather become a girl instead.

I’ve pondered over a sex change in Thailand, but that would mean that I’m running away from this whole thing. Well, suicide is indeed another way of running away too, but at least I could breathe a sigh of relief when my soul is finally separated from this body and the small genitalia I’ve got.

Mom and Dad, I don’t blame you for giving birth to a boy with such a small vital part like mine. Nope, not at all, and I don’t want you to feel guilty about that. I just want you to know that I’d still love you, even after I get reincarnated [presuming the boy believes in reincarnation – red].

And another thing, I’ve donated most of my stuff, including my porn collection, to all my buddies at school, so you don’t have to worry about whether my brother Sam should inherit them.

For Amanda, I suggest you to find another boyfriend with a bigger genitalia than mine. I’ve been thinking about our marriage in the future (which never comes true), and it had come to my attention that I won’t be able to satisfy you with such a small penis.

So…. Amanda, next time you date a guy, make sure you check his insides before you consider going out with him, OK?

Goodbye everybody.

Love,

Benjamin Chong

You know, the reddened Ben Chong above is a pun in an Indonesian word (Bencong) which means something else. Don’t worry, none of the names in the suicide letter above are real, because I made them all up myself. But the suicide happened for real, though.

Let’s talk death in a more natural way.

Last month my friend told me about our old primary school friend who died in a tragic car crash three years ago. That means that I was in Singapore at the time he died.

His car was hit by a Coca-Cola truck and the car was completely wrecked. I didn’t know anything about his driver, but apparently this old friend of mine was still alive when he was brought to the hospital. He passed away as soon as he reached the hospital because he ran out of blood.

Gosh, that’s a tragic way of dying, especially at an age of 15...

Another story comes from the nephew of my Mom’s friend.

He was a reparation worker for the Metro Mini bus company in Jakarta, and on one peculiar day, he was fixing up stuff under a Metro Mini bus.

It was 5 AM that time and he had apparently fallen asleep because he was listening to his MP3 player at a full blast.

How unfortunate of him, a Metro Mini driver didn’t notice his presence and he started the engine straightaway.

Well… You could guess how bad it turned out.

Miraculously, this reparation worker survived for around a week, albeit his body was completely in a disfigured state, he could still communicate his last words to his beloved before he finally departed.

But those two death stories above aren’t very nice ways of dying, are they?

Hmm.

Dying in pain, whether by suicide or by illness, doesn’t sound very much favourable indeed. Nobody would like to die in such a way.

If I could choose how I would like to die, I’d want a quick death, preferably in my sleep when I’m around my 90s or 100s.

I should assume that most of you would concur with my conditional clause above, though we all know that we couldn’t choose the 5W and 1H of our death.

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Remembering Soeharto as he was

Indonesia has lost a great leader.

Regardless of how the Indonesian public perceives him, soybean and rice prices were low during Soeharto’s days and I think we should all remember him that way: the Father of Indonesia who realized that Indonesia’s true potential is in Agriculture. Few of his successors seem to realize that.

An uncle of mine (who used to work for religious NGOs) is a close acquaintance of the Soeharto's Cendana family; he even had Mbak Tutut’s (Siti Hardiyanti Rukmana, Soeharto’s daughter) cellphone number. He elaborated just now on how he came to know Soeharto in person and how he knew his children’s personality. Soeharto was truly a nice, warm, humble, and down-to-earth kind of guy, and so were his children. Most of the Indonesian public seem to blame that Soeharto’s name was tainted by his children’s use of the public money and how bad a father he was for bringing up such children. Well, according to my uncle, that wasn’t true. His children were duped into that world of glamour as they were too naïve to realize what kind of world their friends were leading them to.

I just took a look at this link and realized how much resemblance does the Young Soeharto bears with Tommy (Hutomo Mandala Putera, his son)! They look almost like twins!

I sincerely hope with all my heart that Soeharto would rest in peace and may the Almighty God pardon his sins for he had done a great job in leading Indonesia.

Terima kasih banyak, Pak!

Soeharto memorial links:

Messages for Soeharto

Soeharto’s lifetime photo collection

Thank you notes for Soeharto

Soeharto Center

PS: In order to honour the National Mourning Week that the incumbent Indonesian President SBY had recently declared, most of my blog posts this entire week would have to be put on a waiting list, in exchange for Soeharto's memorial posts, until a more appropriate time.

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