My second step in moving on

The following is an addendum to the message from three days ago which I will never send to her, but I feel worth emphasizing here...

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I know you will never read this blog post, Angie, but for what it's worth, I would've loved to marry you.

As God is my witness, I've never felt as strongly about anyone before.

Not even toward any of my ex-girlfriends.

I've never really wanted to just stop at dating you... I've always wanted to marry you.

I felt that on the first day we talked back in mid-July 2018.

And I still feel the same way until this very day.

I've had other crushes since then, since the day you turned down my invitation to go out with me last March, but honestly, I would've dropped my interest in any of them if only you had just said "Okay, I change my mind Thomas...I would love to go out with you!"

I waited and waited, but it never happened.

Oh well.

By January 2020, if I still haven't moved on from you....if I still check your Facebook profile everyday (just like I have been since July 2018), then I need to do the one thing I need to do to heal, which is to unfriend you from all my social media accounts.

Again, I will not be doing this out of anger or vengeance, but out of my need to heal.

My heart will never heal if I keep checking your social media profiles, ya know?

After you read the Facebook message I sent yesterday, I hope you go to sleep knowing that I will still be praying for your happiness, success and wellbeing, even if we're no longer "friends" on social media accounts.

One important lesson I have learned after being alive for 30 years is that true love means wanting the best for that person...even if that means I am no longer part of the equation.

May God keep you safe and warm this coming winter, Angie.

Please enjoy the beaches of the Philippines when you visit your family there again.

I don't really believe in reincarnation, but if it happens to be real and we both get reincarnated after we die, then I will look for your reincarnated soul.

I will find you and I will show you the kind of world I would have given to you if you had let me show it to you in the first place.

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My first step in moving on

Angie's birthday is coming up on the 26th.

Originally I wanted to send this message on her birthday itself, but I did not want to inundate her Facebook inbox with a long message on that day with my personal, selfish outpouring of love.

Just a little bit of context: I was in the middle of chatting with her about something else (on Facebook) when I sent her this following message...

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I know you’re probably busy, so let me cut to the chase. I would’ve loved to say this in person, but the timing was never right when we were still working together at [redacted] bc I was still in process of moving on from my ex back then.

I’ve had a crush on you since summer 2018. 

That's why I gave you those gifts out of the blue when I was still working there (you probably don't even remember abt them by now lol). I don’t give gifts to random friends, ya know?

After you turned down my invitation to go out with me last spring, I’ve been looking for other girls in Cincinnati area to replace your position in my heart. My feelings toward them kept fading away and...I found myself missing you again and again. They’re just not comparable to you.

It’s hard to find anyone whose elegance, intellect and interests even closely resembles you.

Not only you’re a sea-lover who is a devout Catholic, but you’re witty, have such a soothing voice, have a great taste in music, like Japanese culture, and very loving to your family members. 

Plus, both your parents come from different cultures and speak different languages (Cebuano, Tagalog, Canadian French) that I feel like I could learn a lot from them if I had gotten to know them closely as well.

So now you can add my name to the list of your admirers! 

Anyway…. I’m fully aware that you don’t feel the same way about me, and I’ve accepted that. 

I care enough for you that I wish the best kind of life for you, even if that means you’d rather focus on your studies or wait for someone else better to come along instead.

But before I move away from the [redacted] area, I’m wondering if I could give you one farewell gesture. I’d be honored if I could bake you a cake for your birthday next week, if that’s okay with you?

If not, that is fine, I only wanted to convey what I needed to say to you. Just remember that there is one more person out here who will be praying for you from afar, so that God always keeps you safe and that your dreams will be fulfilled in their due time.



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It has been nearly 24 hours since I sent the message above and she still has not replied.

My guess is she probably never will.

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on Oktoberfest

Naaah, I didn't go!

Early Saturday morning, Kristin texted me if I wanted to go out with her to see the Oktoberfest downtown later in the afternoon.

Except that I already had a prior appointment for an event with the Catholic organization Knights of Columbus.

If she had texted me this two months ago, I would have jumped at the opportunity and cancelled any prior appointments I had that day just so that I could go out with her.

But no, I'm no longer willing to be someone's "backup plan" anymore.

And anyway, I'm already at peace with the way things are now.

(fingers crossed, because I'm currently in the middle of a huge "extracurricular project"...hahahaha)

A quick stalking session peek on her Facebook profile (which I have not had time to open since June, btw) did not show any trace of the guy she allegedly had met from the Bumble dating app.

Apparently she ended up not dating him anyway.

Sorry dear, you're too late. I hope everything works out well for you.

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What is going on?

Sometimes I ask myself, is it possible for us to be hanging out nonstop and stay platonic friends?

I found myself wondering about this after I realized that we both just started subscription to the same places, and it was a decision that we just took on the spot.

On some days we’d barely text each other but then we’d find ourselves having heart-to-heart conversation at her couch...afterwards, I would drive home from her place at around 10pm.

I mean, is this normal?

Would I end up developing feelings for her?

Because if I do, I know I am not ready to jump into a new relationship (yet).

I will only end up hurting her in the end, as since I know I don’t have the level of maturity that she has. And I’m still not entirely sure if I want to settle in this area (yet).

All of these things might change, though.

Who knows.

I'm still trying to find the best "niche" for me at the moment, in terms of hobbies, personality, and the kinds of people I want to surround myself with.

I’m playing it by ear for now, but I hope I can find some answers, soon.

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on Hot yoga

Yesterday would have been the day of Kristin's raincheck day for our second session of rock climbing, but I texted her that I was still wheezing from asthma. The most strenuous activity I could have done yesterday would have been yoga.

It was truly a disappointment for me because I really really wanted to go rock climbing again with her.

Which was why, to my surprise, she texted back that we can just go again next week...

And then she asked me if I wanted to do hot yoga with her that day.

Was that what I think it was?

It was!

For those who don't know, hot yoga is the type of yoga that is done in a steaming hot room set to a temperature of 104 F.

So after work, I drove to her apartment which was located a bit north from my office. Then she always offers my fave chocolate every time I come visit her place which was really nice!

Then we talked for a bit before we went together to the yoga studio. By the time we finished the hour-long yoga session, we were both so drenched wet that our shirts looked like they were soaked in a bucket of water! I changed shirt at the yoga studio though, because I did not want to stink her car with my sweat.

During the yoga session, I noticed how surprising with how much energy she has, considering the fact that the hours she spends doing surgery at the hospital is pretty brutal.

But for what it's worth, I am happy that she shares similar passions for bouldering, hiking, and yoga!

So after showering at her place, I asked her if she wanted to go to my alma mater's gym sometime next week, because over there we can do not just bouldering, but also swim afterwards.

She said she hasn't done swimming for a while, but she is definitely interested in going bouldering and swimming together, so this is something I am looking forward to!

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