My first step in moving on

Angie's birthday is coming up on the 26th.

Originally I wanted to send this message on her birthday itself, but I did not want to inundate her Facebook inbox with a long message on that day with my personal, selfish outpouring of love.

Just a little bit of context: I was in the middle of chatting with her about something else (on Facebook) when I sent her this following message...

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I know you’re probably busy, so let me cut to the chase. I would’ve loved to say this in person, but the timing was never right when we were still working together at [redacted] bc I was still in process of moving on from my ex back then.

I’ve had a crush on you since summer 2018. 

That's why I gave you those gifts out of the blue when I was still working there (you probably don't even remember abt them by now lol). I don’t give gifts to random friends, ya know?

After you turned down my invitation to go out with me last spring, I’ve been looking for other girls in Cincinnati area to replace your position in my heart. My feelings toward them kept fading away and...I found myself missing you again and again. They’re just not comparable to you.

It’s hard to find anyone whose elegance, intellect and interests even closely resembles you.

Not only you’re a sea-lover who is a devout Catholic, but you’re witty, have such a soothing voice, have a great taste in music, like Japanese culture, and very loving to your family members. 

Plus, both your parents come from different cultures and speak different languages (Cebuano, Tagalog, Canadian French) that I feel like I could learn a lot from them if I had gotten to know them closely as well.

So now you can add my name to the list of your admirers! 

Anyway…. I’m fully aware that you don’t feel the same way about me, and I’ve accepted that. 

I care enough for you that I wish the best kind of life for you, even if that means you’d rather focus on your studies or wait for someone else better to come along instead.

But before I move away from the [redacted] area, I’m wondering if I could give you one farewell gesture. I’d be honored if I could bake you a cake for your birthday next week, if that’s okay with you?

If not, that is fine, I only wanted to convey what I needed to say to you. Just remember that there is one more person out here who will be praying for you from afar, so that God always keeps you safe and that your dreams will be fulfilled in their due time.



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It has been nearly 24 hours since I sent the message above and she still has not replied.

My guess is she probably never will.

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on Oktoberfest

Naaah, I didn't go!

Early Saturday morning, Kristin texted me if I wanted to go out with her to see the Oktoberfest downtown later in the afternoon.

Except that I already had a prior appointment for an event with the Catholic organization Knights of Columbus.

If she had texted me this two months ago, I would have jumped at the opportunity and cancelled any prior appointments I had that day just so that I could go out with her.

But no, I'm no longer willing to be someone's "backup plan" anymore.

And anyway, I'm already at peace with the way things are now.

(fingers crossed, because I'm currently in the middle of a huge "extracurricular project"...hahahaha)

A quick stalking session peek on her Facebook profile (which I have not had time to open since June, btw) did not show any trace of the guy she allegedly had met from the Bumble dating app.

Apparently she ended up not dating him anyway.

Sorry dear, you're too late. I hope everything works out well for you.

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What is going on?

Sometimes I ask myself, is it possible for us to be hanging out nonstop and stay platonic friends?

I found myself wondering about this after I realized that we both just started subscription to the same places, and it was a decision that we just took on the spot.

On some days we’d barely text each other but then we’d find ourselves having heart-to-heart conversation at her couch...afterwards, I would drive home from her place at around 10pm.

I mean, is this normal?

Would I end up developing feelings for her?

Because if I do, I know I am not ready to jump into a new relationship (yet).

I will only end up hurting her in the end, as since I know I don’t have the level of maturity that she has. And I’m still not entirely sure if I want to settle in this area (yet).

All of these things might change, though.

Who knows.

I'm still trying to find the best "niche" for me at the moment, in terms of hobbies, personality, and the kinds of people I want to surround myself with.

I’m playing it by ear for now, but I hope I can find some answers, soon.

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on Hot yoga

Yesterday would have been the day of Kristin's raincheck day for our second session of rock climbing, but I texted her that I was still wheezing from asthma. The most strenuous activity I could have done yesterday would have been yoga.

It was truly a disappointment for me because I really really wanted to go rock climbing again with her.

Which was why, to my surprise, she texted back that we can just go again next week...

And then she asked me if I wanted to do hot yoga with her that day.

Was that what I think it was?

It was!

For those who don't know, hot yoga is the type of yoga that is done in a steaming hot room set to a temperature of 104 F.

So after work, I drove to her apartment which was located a bit north from my office. Then she always offers my fave chocolate every time I come visit her place which was really nice!

Then we talked for a bit before we went together to the yoga studio. By the time we finished the hour-long yoga session, we were both so drenched wet that our shirts looked like they were soaked in a bucket of water! I changed shirt at the yoga studio though, because I did not want to stink her car with my sweat.

During the yoga session, I noticed how surprising with how much energy she has, considering the fact that the hours she spends doing surgery at the hospital is pretty brutal.

But for what it's worth, I am happy that she shares similar passions for bouldering, hiking, and yoga!

So after showering at her place, I asked her if she wanted to go to my alma mater's gym sometime next week, because over there we can do not just bouldering, but also swim afterwards.

She said she hasn't done swimming for a while, but she is definitely interested in going bouldering and swimming together, so this is something I am looking forward to!

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on Rock climbing for the first time

Last Friday I went bouldering and rock climbing at the climbing gym where I have a membership, and Kristin came with me because I have a free guest pass.

For those who don't know, the difference between the two activities is that bouldering requires no ropes (done on a shorter wall) while rock climbing does (because it is done on a much taller wall).

It was Kristin's first time in bouldering, and to my surprise she was pretty good at it as a beginner. Then we went rock climbing.

To enter the rock climbing area and use the rope and harness, we needed to be instructed first on how to belay (because one person would need to be climbing while the other belays the rope from the bottom).

She was better at tying the knots because of her surgical skills. It was probably the most strenuous exercise I had done all year, but I'm glad I did it with her!

She is good with her hands.

The next day (Saturday) was another day where the climbing gym gave away free guest passes for members. I asked Kristin if she could come, but she said she couldn't because she had other appointments.

So I decided, on a whim, to see the musical Singin in the Rain by myself. It was a lovely musical, actually!

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