Showing posts with label special pages. Show all posts
Showing posts with label special pages. Show all posts

The day she and I died together

by Toshi



And so we kissed. We kissed like we never had before...I saw her tear ducts overflowing until she finally pulled herself away from me.

"I have always loved you", she whispered half-gaspingly.

"And I you" I started getting teary-eyed on my own, "I'm sorry it has to end like this, my love..."

Then she took one of those pills on the plate she prepared herself and swallowed the cyanide capsule. Within seconds she vomited blood and dropped to the floor, a scene I could not bear to see.

It took me full ten minutes before I finally regained composure of myself. The heavy artillery was still booming outside the walls.

It had been decades since I last cried like this...since the day my mother died.

With heavy sobbing, I took her body and laid her neatly on the sofa.

It didn't took me any longer than a minute before I reached my own .9 mm on the small table next to me, pointed it towards my mouth, and pulled the trigger.


~~~~~~~~~~~~


I fell onto a large hall that seems like a vast court with white tiles, with my head hitting the floor first. Strangely enough it didn't hurt.

Everything was white: the tiles and the walls I can see from yonder.

I looked up and saw a cypress desk with a huge Swastika engraving right in front of me..is that my desk?

There is a blonde-haired woman in red tuxedo behind it, sitting on my chair, writing on notebooks with a lightning speed. As she finished one notebook, she piled it up with a piling mound of notebooks she dumped on the floor.

She didn't even seem to notice me, despite us being the only two human beings in the room.

I stood up and realized that I was wearing my own uniform. Hey, that's pretty neat.

"Excuse me, young lady", as I spoke to her nicely, "but where is the restroom?"

She glanced up from one of the notebooks she was writing on.

"Restroom?" she frowned, "you really think you have a need for that anymore, huh?"

I ignored her sarcasm, "so what place is this? And why are you on my desk, young lady?"

"I only conjure up images with whatever stuff you are familiar with. And this is the gate of heaven"

"Heaven? So you guys actually exist, eh? The God and the angels and all those hogwash?"

"We are not hogwash"

"I mean, yes you do exist, but I've always thought you were invented by the Vatican so they can control the world"

"Regardless of what you think of us, we are who we are", she responded tersely. She does not seem happy with my last statement.

I wanted to say another word but she held her hands to hush my word, "Okay Adolf, you are...outstanding. I haven't seen like you before...well, at least not under my assessment"

She spoke in a matter-of-factly tone and called me with my first name, Adolf. How disparaging of her, how dare she! Not even my wife Eva has ever called me in such a way!

I wanted to slam the table and strangle her but I don't think there is much point of doing that now.

"Where is Eva?"

"She is being assessed by another angel as we speak"

"So you're an angel? I thought you had wings"

"As I said, I can conjure up whatever imagery that my assessed subjects are comfortable with"

"So is she gonna make it too?"

"What do you mean, make it too?"

"You know..across the gates"

Then she laughed. How annoying, if only I can order one of my subordinates to shoot her.

"As you see, Adolf... When I said that you're outstanding, I meant your sins" she explained while the residue of her laugh still remained on her face.

"But I'm a hero for my fatherland Germany"

"You're a hero? You killed a multitude of civilians without any sort of mercy"

"They loved me"

"They don't. A small portion does love you, but most of the rest, they're only afraid of you"

"But they're Jews and Gypsies and crippled and homosexuals, surely they have no right to live?"

"Whether or not they have the right to live is not yours to decide"

This angel's voice was calm, much calmer than the voice of Eva when she was in my embrace. Ah, the old glory days...

"Anyway, you're going back to the earth, being reborn one hundred times as some randomly-picked subjects of your egregious treatment. Then you will be reasessed after your one-hundredth death whether or not you deserve hell"

"So...there is a chance I can make it to heaven, too?"

"No"

"What do you mean by deserving hell, then?"

"Your soul is too corrupted to even pass through. It would be lucky for you to even go to hell. But before that, you have to experience some of the worst hells you created yourself on earth. If you don't pass these assessments, we will simply let you perish"

I said nothing, silenced by the heavy air she was bringing with her tone.

"Your first rebirth would be as a male named Yishak Goldberg, born in November 1929 at Gdansk, Poland" as she wrote the statement down in one of the opened notebooks lying on her desk. And by her desk, I meant my desk.

That name sounds filthy enough.

"I don't want to be born as a Jew"

"I'm sorry Mein Führer" she spoke to me softly in a sarcastic tone as she stood up from my chair and walked towards me with her red stiletto tapping heavily on the floor, "but you have no authority here"

She was about to raise her left hand and tap me on my shoulder but I wanted to ask one more question.

"Wait!"

"Yes?"

"Does my wife Eva make it to the heaven?"

"She will be having some long assessments too with rebirths, but yes, she has the possibility of entering paradise"

Ah. At least she's okay. Watch for me when you're up there, my love...

"Get ready now", she smiled.

Then she clapped and everything went black.

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100 things to do before I die

Ambitions, desires, dreams, obsessions, you name it. I'll be visiting this post from time to time, to cross out which items I have completed with the completion date next to it. I wish God would grant me a life long enough to achieve all these (^_^)


1. Travel by Eurail
2. Continue learning piano
3. Obtain Master's degree
4. Visit New Zealand, South Africa and Ireland
5. Taste a Swiss wine from its local vineyards
6. Be entirely fluent in six languages
7. Watch Czech Philharmonic Orchestra live
8. Author a book
9. Participate in a Shinto pilgrimage
10. Have an American road trip from coast to coast
11. Date a French (or French-speaking) girl
12. Take kendo lessons
13. Have an audience with the Pope (or at least attend his Vatican mass)
14. Watch a FIFA World Cup match live
15. Live in a European country for at least two years
16. Ride a camel in a Middle eastern country
17. Exile myself to a Tibetan monastery in Mongolia
18. Lower my handicap in golf
19. Go on a cruise
20. Master the art of solving Rubik's cube
21. Obtain a deep diver's certificate
22. Ride a gondola in Venice
23. Milk a cow
24. Have read at least 1,000 books during entire lifetime
25. Have watched at least 3,000 movies during entire lifetime
26. Have visited at least 50 countries during entire lifetime
27. Ski in the alps
28. Go without watching TV for 90 days straight
29. Have a passive-income job
30. Stay in a Tokyo capsule hotel with my girlfriend/wife
31. Take ice-skating lessons
32. Try fencing
33. Take salsa lessons
34. Go on a helicopter ride
35. See the fjords of Norway
36. Work for a travel magazine
37. Swim in the largest swimming pool in the world in Chile
38. Get married
39. Be a regular blood donor
40. Audition for Amazing Race
41. Stay with a jungle tribe
42. Create a trust fund
43. Swim with dolphins
44. Be a groomsman at a friend's wedding
45. Become a vegetarian for a week
46. Grow bonsai tree
47. Join a bowling league
48. Stay in an Indian ashram
49. Go to a St. Patrick's Day parade
50. Learn how to make sushi
51. Sleep under the stars for three nights straight
52. Adopt an accent for an entire week
53. Own a gun
54. (...will jot down more as soon as I get new ideas to fill in)

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Toshi's wrap up of Year 2009

I described last year as "bittersweet" and "unproductive".

For this year, I'd say that it is a Year of Change. It may not necessarily a change of who I am inside, but it does change some ways I think about things.

Right from the beginning of the year, I start to see my life as one ironic comedy.

Because what you think were the good stuff were actually one chain of mistakes commited one way or another by the people around you, including yourself.

And that the bad events that cause you miserable at first are actually there so that you can dig up what was actually pleasant underneath it all.

July 2009 was hard on me, especially with the change and moving and adaptation and all, but once you actually get over it, it is not as bad as it once looked.

November 2009 was the nastiest month ever, it was filled with a lot of incidents for me.

But in retrospect, if I were given a chance to go back in time, would I knowingly let those incidents happen?

Definitely.

Because as I've seen, if those incidents hadn't happened in the first place, I would not be in such a good shape as I am today.

They were meant to happen, so that my December would not be the worst month of the year.

And as someone once said, "Perhaps this is one form of mercy God is granting us".

Indeed they are.

Whatever softwares God has taken away from me, He has returned in some other updated versions.

Not necessarily an exact replica, but at least they are more virus resistant now...


~post'script Despite the many changes, one thing stays the same though. You're still the same person for me, and I don't exactly know why it has not changed yet. Even the years and the distance and other person(s) involved don't necessarily change the way I think about you. There is something about you that is so unique that I can't let go of you, and I wonder why... Is it kismet?

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Song of The Year 2009

I pick "Party in the U.S.A." by Miley Cyrus as the song of the year 2009.

Other than the obvious fact that I like Miley, its lyric is also significant to what I'm having this year and it is also the favourite song of two of my special friends.

So be it (^_^)

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